'I think of this comeback as a debut' - Harbhajan

Harbhajan Singh talks about the lessons he learnt from being outside the Indian team due to injury. This interview, by Nishant Arora first appeared in the July edition of Wisden Asia Cricket.

Harbhajan Singh: the comeback train has not been a bed of roses © AFP

Let's start with the obvious question - how is the finger?
The finger is fine. It has recovered well and I'm just waiting for matches to begin. Hopefully I will do much better now. I think I will be a lot more confident now that I know that I will be able to bowl without pain.

There were stories that on your first visit to Australia, you went to the hospital, panicked at the sight of the operation table, and cancelled the surgery. And that you were actually there to do some sponsorship work.
Obviously I went to Australia for the operation, not to do any work for sponsors. People have lot to say about me but I don't care. It is my finger and I know how to take care of it. I am not a doctor and I couldn't have done the surgery myself. I only did what the doctors there suggested. Whoever talked about the timing of my operation had nothing to do with it. During that period I was constantly in touch with Andrew Leipus, my senior cricketers, and the doctors. Their advice was taken into consideration before taking any decision.

But how did you react to the stories?
You can't help it. Actually, this seems to be a tradition in India. If someone is doing well people just want to pull him down. They want the other person to react. But if you ignore them they will shut up after a while. Everyone will get their answers when I get back on the field again.

With hindsight, do you regret not getting the surgery done last July?
I'll tell you what happened in detail. I started feeling the pain during the World Cup but went to Bangladesh afterwards. I spoke to Andrew about it. He said that it might be because of over-bowling and advised me to take a two-three month break. I did exactly that. Before the season started I tried to bowl and felt pain again, but it was different from what I had experienced in the World Cup. Then I was advised to go to Australia to get the finger checked. I bowled in front of the doctors and felt a bit better. They advised me to take an injection and said that I could do the surgery in the six-month break after the Australia series if needed. There was no talk of the Pakistan tour at the time. So I came back and played the Challenger, the Irani, and the New Zealand series without any pain. But sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. Not to go in for surgery, I must repeat, was not my decision alone.

"It's not written anywhere that Harbhajan will take five wickets whenever he plays in India. After all, I am not Lord Krishna." © Getty Images

Your performance against New Zealand, too, led to criticism of the decision not to go in for surgery.
If I really felt acute pain I would have opted out. I am not one of those, yaar, who will play for his place even in pain. Nor will I complain about the pitches. But everyone goes through bad patches, guys like Sachin, Lara and Warne, so who am I in front of them? It's not written anywhere that Harbhajan will take five wickets whenever he plays in India. After all, I am not Lord Krishna.

What were your thoughts when you finally went under the knife last December?
The night before the operation I was very scared. But one thing was very clear in my mind: that my finger couldn't get worse. It could only improve from here. The doctors gave me lot of confidence. I have lot of faith in Waheguru (God). I was carrying photos of my gods and my Guru with me even in the operation theatre. When I looked at them I felt everything would be all right.

Did you ever fear that the injury could finish your career as it was on the spinning finger?
That fear is there for every cricketer, even with small injuries. But you can't be negative. People like Dennis Lillee, Anil Kumble and Shane Warne have made successful comebacks after career-threatening injuries. If Warne can take 500 wickets despite surgery, why can't I? You should think big. It's another thing whether it works out or not, but you must think big.

You looked very disconsolate in Australia. Was that the lowest point of your career?
It was hard to understand the situation over there. I was totally zapped and wondering what I should do. I was hit twice on the same finger in the practice match at Melbourne. I was in a lot of pain during the Brisbane Test. I couldn't bowl in the match because the finger was hurting. When you are playing for India you have to take things like pain in your stride. Soldiers on the border also go through lot of pain but they don't stop fighting. I tried my best but I had no control over my hand. The ball was not coming out the way I wanted it to.

What has been the best piece of advice you have had during this episode?
The whole team has supported me. Especially Kumble. He told me not to think about matches but to be patient. He said that if I get fully fit I could play for India for another 10 years. Apart from that, Sachin, Dravid, Sourav and others were regular with calls. That was a huge source of mental support for me.

Has carrying this injury affected your bowling in the last couple of years?
Maybe. I was releasing the ball quite well, but probably the power or the zip was missing. I won't say that the injury was the only reason. But it could have been one of them. I could feel at times that the ball was not getting much bounce off the pitch. Maybe my tissues were weak so I couldn't put too much force behind the ball. Well, I'm still not very sure about it. I think it was more in my mind - that I have this pain, and the fear that it might get worse, that may have been a factor.

What rehab have you done since the surgery?
I have started practising, as well as strengthening the finger. I am taking care of every minute thing. For example, in the past, before bowling a single ball in a match, I used to spin the ball in my hand five to six times with the same intensity and effort that I would put into my bowling. That means I was in one go wasting the energy needed by my fingers to bowl five balls. Now I won't do that. There are a lot of small things I have to watch because I don't want to go through this again.

What have you learned during your time off?
One thing I did learn is that a lot of people will be with you only when you are on top. I know that when I am back on the field and when I do well they will come back. I even know that a lot of people close to me were happy to see me out of action. It was disturbing at first, but you learn that good people stay with you even in bad times. I am happy that genuine cricket lovers have always supported me. Whenever I used to go out people on the street would come up to me and tell me how I am missed on the field. That gave me huge satisfaction. We have a saying in Punjabi: Jevene tu sukha nu jarda hain, odene gamma nu ve zarna sikh. (Handle your sorrow as you have handled your good times.)

What went through your mind when you saw India winning in Pakistan and doing well in Australia?
I really missed being there. Both were huge achievements for Indian cricket. I really missed the last day of the Sydney Test. I wish I could have been there to bowl with Anilbhai on that day. Woh akela pad gaya uss din (He was left alone that day). That day I was angry with myself and at the same time feeling sad for myself. My team-mates told me that if I had been there things could have been different. That only God knows. Rahul Dravid sent me an SMS that day too. I felt like crying, because I kept thinking, 'Was this the time to get injured?'

Have you considered that you may not be an automatic selection for the XI given the recent performances of Kumble and the seamers?
Anilbhai is a very senior spinner. He has had to sit out of the team a lot because of me in the last two years. If such a big player can do this, I don't see any reason why I can't. If there is no place for me I will work hard, perform better and try to make my place. I know the road and I have walked on it before.

There has been a lot of speculation about the doosra lately - Daniel Vettori said that it can't be bowled legally. Are you confident that your doosra can stand the scrutiny?
Everyone has their own action and their own opinion. Maybe because some people can't bowl the other one, they say that you can't bowl it without bending your arm. The ICC has said that everyone will be checked in the coming Champions Trophy. It is a good thing. Doodh ka doodh, paani ka paani ho jayega.

What's on your mind as you prepare for your comeback?
Before starting again I would like to forget that I have 250-odd wickets in international cricket. I have forgotten that I have played for India and done well. That part is history. My approach to my comeback is the same as it was when as a young guy I was trying my best to get a place in the Indian team. I would like to think of my comeback as my debut. I've had a tough time and it has passed. Now a new day has come and I would like to learn from my mistakes and give my best.